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Eugene's Pet/Transcript
P.S. 118 School Eugene :All my life, I wanted a pet you guys, someone I could call my own, but my dog ran away, I was allergic to my cat, and my rabbit gave me nightmares. I thought I was never gonna get a pet of my own, but then.....I found Henry. (He shows everybody his pet goldfish, Henry.) I had him for 6 months, and nothing bad's happened to him. Henry's my best friend. I feed him, I talk to him, and I bought him this neat plastic castle with my allowance. Show everyone how you play hide and seek, Henry. (Henry swims around his goldfish bowl) See that? he waved to me with his tail. Helga :It's called swimming, Dr. Cousteau. (Everybody in the classroom begins laughing) Mr. Simmons :Thank you for sharing, Eugene, and may I say a goldfish is so very....you. (Eugene smiles at him in agreement) And now, Arnold, we're eager to share your world, what special part of it did you bring for us today? (All of the students ooh and ahh in amazement; Arnold walks up to Mr. Simmons' desk) Arnold :I bought this yo-yo last week, and the guys showed me how to do cat's cradle. Stinky :Gosh..... Arnold :And I can shoot the moon too. (Arnold shoots up his yo-yo in mid-air a couple of times, but it lands right into Henry's goldfish bowl and kills Henry by accident) Eugene ' :(gasps in shock)'' Henry! '''Arnold :Huh? Eugene :He's... Helga ''' :He's croaked, Eugene. '''Arnold :I'm sorry, Eugene, I'm really sorry. Eugene :It's a trick, i-it's a new trick, h-he learned a new trick, okay, roll over, Henry. (he chuckles nervously) You can do it, roll over, boy. (Henry's deceaed body sinks back down to the bottom of the goldfish bowl) Eugene :NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Later in the boy's lavatory, Arnold opens the lavatory stall and he and Eugene enter it with Henry’s deceased body in his goldfish bowl) Arnold :You gotta do it, Eugene, it’s time. (Eugene walks around over to the toilet andcarefully dumps Henry’s deceased body right into the toilet) Eugene :Goodbye, Henry. Eugene tries to flush Henry’s deceased body down the toilet, but he refuses to do it. Eugene :(teared up) Oh, I can’t do it, Arnold, (he Weeps silently) I had Henry since he was a little baby goldfish.” Arnold :Okay, I’ll flush it for you, here. (Arnold almost flushes Henry’s deceased body down the toilet, but Eugene stops him) Eugene :(teared up) Wait! Arnold :You really loved him, huh? Eugene :Yeah. Arnold :What if we bury Henry someplace we can always go visit him? that’d be better, wouldn’t it? (Arnold and Eugene walk around out of the men’s restroom with Henry’s deceased body.) Old Yard Harold :There’s gonna be food at the house there, right? there better be a potluck after this thing. Arnold :Shhh....... Arnold :Okay, go ahead and put him in. Eugene :Um, aren’t we gonna say something about Henry first? Gerald :Like what? Phoebe :Well, it’s customary at funerals to give a eulogy for the deceased person or creature. Helga :Alright, since I’m obviously the most experienced public speaker of any 1 here………” Eugene :Um, I prefer if it wasn’t you, Helga, no offense, but I’m not sure you really well appreciated Henry.” Helga :I appreciated him just fine, you pathetic little... (Arnold elbows her hard in the right shoulder) Ow! Eugene :Gerald should do it. All 5 PS 118 4th grade students :Yeah, yeah, Gerald, Gerald’s our right hand man. (Gerald stands right on Henry’s tomb tire and clears his throat). Gerald :Arnold. (Arnold plays his silver harmonica) Gerald :Henry wasn’t the biggest of the best lookin’ goldfish, so no 1 came to buy him for a long time, he thought he’d never find a home, then 1 day, a lonely boy came into the pet store, he was kind of a geek, really, but he needed a pet and he wanted Henry and that was the start of a beautiful friendship. Henry was a simple fish, he didn’t ask for much, a few flakes of fish food, his little plastic castle, that little guy with the mask, even though that didn’t turn out so good, but these were the things he loved and swimming, oh, yes, swimming with the big thing with him, right up to the end, when he was struck down in a bizarre twist of fate by a runaway yo-yo, and so we say, Goodbye, Henry, you were a good pet fish to the end. (A light gray kitty cat jumps right into Henry’s tomb pit and takes away Henry’s deceased body now wrapped in tissue paper) Eugene :Henry!” Street (Arnold, Gerald and Eugene are now at the entrance to the pet store) Arnold :Eugene, I feel really bad about this, but I'm gonna make it up to you, I'll get you another fish, okay?" Eugene :Oh, I can't look at another fish, it's too soon, I'll never be able to replace Henry." Arnold :Then how 'bout this? we go to the pet store and get you a different pet. Eugene :Oh, gee, I don't know, Arnold. (Arnold, Gerald and Eugene enter the pet store) Pet Store Pet Store Owner :Don't give me that look. Arnold (offscreen) :Excuse me. (The pet store owner turns to see Arnold, Gerald and Eugene, standing by) Arnold :My friend here's looking for a new pet. Pet Store Owner :And may I say, what a thrill it is for me, I live to serve. Eugene :Uh, can I see your bird? (The parrot craps on Eugene's left hand) Ew. Pet Store Owner :Welcome to my world. (The pet store owner wipes it off Eugene's left hand, while Arnold picks up 1 of the hamsters) Arnold :Hamsters are pretty neat. Eugene :Hey, yeah, and so friendly. (The hamster bites on Eugene's nose) Ow, oooh! Pet Store Owner: :Bad chemistry, can't fight that. (The pet store owner takes the hamster off Eugene's nose. Gerald is at the snake's tank) Gerald :A snake would give you style, Eugene, you know, monchikasmo." Eugene :Uh, I don't know, guys. Pet Store Owner :It's a harmless little garter snake. Arnold :Yeah, snakes are really cool. Pet Store Owner :Try it on for size. (The pet store owner puts the garter snake on Eugene's shoulders) See? it pulls your whole look together. The pet store owner walks right back to the counter. Eugene :Hey, guys, I think he likes me. Eugene :Look, guys, he's giving me a hug. (Arnold and Gerald do their usual secret handshake) (raspy voice) Guys? I can't breathe. (he gags regularly) Street (Arnold, Gerald and Eugene exit the pet store) Arnold :So tomorrow, we'll try another pet store, what do you say? Eugene :Oh, maybe I'm just not supposed to have a pet. Arnold :Don't say that, Eugene. Eugene :But maybe it's true, maybe there are kids who just can't have pets and I'm 1 of them, it's okay, Arnold, I'll get used to it, honest, I'll see you later. Arnold :Poor Eugene. Gerald :He'll be okay by tomorrow, that kid always bounces back. PS 118 School (Eugene is feeding his imaginary hippo, Elbert) Arnold :This can't be good, Gerald. (Arnold and Gerald walk over to Eugene) Gerald :Uh, whatcha doin', Eugene? Eugene :I brought my hippo to school, isn't he neat? Gerald :I don't see any hippo. Eugene :Elbert's right here, you can't hide a hippo. (Gerald shakes his head in disbelief, and the school bell begins ringing) Arnold :Time to line up, come on, Eugene. Eugene :Oh, I'm not going, I'm staying with Elbert. Arnold :But, Eugene, you gotta go to class. Eugene :No, it's too soon, I know he looks big, but Elbert's still a baby. Elbert, go get the ball, bring it here, boy. Yeah, good hippo! (Gerald gives Arnold the urge to come on and hurry up, and Arnold follows him. Suddenly, it begins raining outside) Gerald :Man, he's slipped, I guess Eugene was just hangin' on by a thread, and losin' that little fish was the last straw. Arnold ' :I feel terrible about this, Gerald, why'd it have to be Eugene's fish? Street ''(The next day, Eugene is putting up some posters) 'Arnold ' :What happened now? '''Eugene :Oh, Elbert ran away, he chewed through his leash. Gerald :Man, losin' a pretend pet? now that's pathetic. Arnold ' :(walking right up to Eugene)'' Eugene, maybe you should talk to your mom about Elbert, she should know about this. '''Eugene :No, she's not a hippo person, Arnold,anyway, I got a lot more flyers to put up. (Eugene walks away from Arnold and Gerald to put up more missing imaginary hippo posters) Arnold ' :I gotta find a way to pull him outta this slump. The Sunset Arms Boarding House ''(Grandma Gertrude is in a mermaid costume and serving fresh fish at the dinner table) '''Grandpa Phil :Hey, eat up, Arnold, your grandma don't get a wild hair to cook fresh fish very often. Arnold :I can't eat this, Grandpa, it reminds me of a fish I used to know. Grandpa Phil :Uh oh, sounds like young Arnold has another one of his complex labyrinthian conundrums of a boyhood problem. What is it, short man? Arnold :Well, it's Eugene's pet fish, I accidentally killed it, now he doesn't have a pet anymore. Grandpa Phil :That's a shame. Arnold :I don't get it, Grandpa, why does everything bad happen to Eugene? Grandpa Phil :Well, some kids are just plain unlucky, bad things always happen to them, I guess all you can do is be a friend to him in his time of need, but most importantly, never go to Vegas with that kid or fly in an airplane with him. Arnold :It's just not fair, Grandpa,I can't stand seeing Eugene so alone. Grandpa Phil :We're all alone, that's life, you don't need to be with anybody, take it from me, as long as you got your dreams and fantasies, you'll be able to get up and go on, everybody needs a dream to hang onto, otherwise, they're just people without dreams, (Oscar points his fork right at Grandpa Phil's dinner plate) and if you don't wanna wear that fork, you better get away from my plate, you weasel. (Meanwhile in Arnold's bedroom, Arnold is imagining taking Eugene to meet an angelfish) Arnold Yeah. Hillwood Aquarium Eugene :Gee, thanks for bringing me to the aquarium, Arnold, but I don't get it, why are we here? Arnold :Eugene, see that angel fish? I talked to people at the aquarium and from now on, that angelfish is gonna be your pet. Eugene :Wow! Arnold :See, it's official, you can come down and visit him anytime. Eugene :Arnold, this is so great, you're the neatest friend anybody ever had, look, he waved at me, I'm gonna call him Angel, (he looks right at the aquarium tank.) hello, Angel, (he turns back over to Arnold and Gerald.) it's perfect, he's in this huge tank surrounded by security guards, nothing can hurt him, and nothing can even get near him, he's totally safe in there, and I can come see him anytime I want, oh, I'll tell him my secrets, (a shark comes by and Angel hides in the back row.) we'll take pictures of him for my wall, we'll grow up together. Arnold :Don't say a word, Gerald. Eugene :Hi, Angel. (brief pause) Hey, where'd he go? Arnold :Uh, Angel's hiding, Eugene, he's uh, in the back. (Angel appears with the other angelfish and is alright after all) Category:Eugene's Pet Category:Episode transcripts